


The Definition Of Love

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: But this is South Park, Insomnia sucks, M/M, One side of converstations, You should have expected it, random writing, some language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 18:25:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6577522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I don't know it either, and google isn't helping. But, I did find some very interesting videos if you'd like to see them. You've already proven you're a sick pervert, so I won't think any less of you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> The summary sounds kind of dirty, but this really isn't. I'll update "It's Magic" as soon as I can, but it's actually saved on one of the computers at my school instead of at home, so I only get to work on it then. This is just a quick thing I wrote because I can't sleep, and I was bored. Hope you enjoy!

Do you know the definition of love?

Oh yeah right, that’s definitely the answer to an unsolvable question. Seriously, stop thinking with your dick.

You know what, you don’t need my help, you’re fine on your own. Good luck with the bitches you claim to have.

That’s more like it. 

So, you think you’re in love with someone? I need a name kid, otherwise I can’t help you that much.

Really? Him? Why? I thought you were after that Wendy chick. Isn’t that why you asked me about…that. I found out what it is by the way.

You sick piece of shit.

You changed your mind? Well then, that definitely wasn’t love. 

Speaking of which, why did you ask me in the first place?

Oh wow, thanks. At least you knew I was French instead of thinking I was Russian like that Cartman kid. Why Russian? I mean, what the fuck? Still, that’s a stereotype, so my advice might not be what you’re looking for.

You ready? Here it is.

Give up. Also, fuck you, but that’s a more personal note.

What do you mean you can’t give up? That’s all there is to do! If he can’t tell even if he’s your best friend then you’re boned.

What do you mean? 

No I don’t know this from experience, it’s just my opinion.

Shut the fuck up you piece of shit, I’m not blushing!

Fine. But only because I can’t go to him about it.

…

Don’t rush me you piece of shit! Just, give me a second.

It’s Gregory.

Yeah, laugh all you want, I’m going to go find Kyle and tell him how gay for him you are.

There, don’t you feel better? Now, don’t punch me again, it makes me sad to know you’re that weak.

Anyway, just take my advice. It’s obvious you’re too much of a pussy to do anything about it, so your only hope is if he notices or makes the first move.

A wager?

Well, it will help us both.

Alright, we have to do it by three pm tomorrow. I’d tell you to synchronize your watch with mine, but I’m going to assume that you still don’t have one.

Figures.

Alright, well, good luck to you.

How many times do I have to tell you that God doesn’t give a flying fuck about me? I don’t need his speed or anything else he has to give me!

Oh. He left. 

Well, time to stop talking to myself like a fucking idiot and figure out how the hell I’m supposed to tell Gregory I love him without getting the shit beat out of me.

I need help.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not religious, but I still feel awful about referring to God like this! I dunno if I should add a tag warning about that, but I might. I dunno. I'm tired. Christophe is awkward and probably OOC, but he's such a minor character that I can't be certain. I just thought he'd be an awkward little shit.

Hey.

Oh, nothing really, just wanted to ask you something.

Are you gay?

I may or may not be asking for a friend.

No, you don’t know her, she lives in Denver.

Yeah, I’ve told her about you, and she thinks you’re one of her online friends, but she’s convinced he’s gay, so she wants me to ask you if you’re gay.

I don’t his username you asshole! Besides, I’m just doing what she told me too.

You know I don’t make friends with pussies, so yes, she is very tough.

Oh wow, so mature. Yes, I have friends.

I like to think you’re one of them. 

You are? Oh, well.

I’ll, uh, I’ll let her know.

No no, this isn’t going to change anything, I’m totally fine with it.

Alright, I’ll see you later.

*click*

Holy fuck.

 

***

 

Hey.

No, nothing’s wrong. It’s about my Internet friend.

So, she says thanks for answering and, um, to let her know if you ever change your mind.

I know you can’t just change your sexuality! Her words not mine!

Alright, well, I’m glad you’re not mad at me.

Wait, don’t hang up!

I just, uh, wanted to tell you something.

You…you really mean a lot to me.

No, let me finish!

You mean a lot to me, and I don’t know what I’d do without you. I know we don’t always get along, especially when I’m talking shit about the cock sucking bastard in the sky, but you’ve helped me a lot. Like all the times you’ve broken me out of my room when I’m grounded. And when you helped me out in school before my parents found out about my grades. 

It’s funny huh? For how much we put up a front like we’re members of some secret society, we’re pretty normal. We don’t even have enough friends to make a society! It’d be just you, me and Wendy. And all we’d do is discuss politics. Meaning you two would discuss politics and I’d cry in the corner.

The point? Oh, right.

Well, the point is, we’ve been through a lot together, and even if I may act like I hate you sometimes, I really don’t. In fact, I think I’m in love with you.

…

Ah shit, I knew this would happen.

I’ll just, uh, hang up now. Goodbye forever.

*click*

Way to go Christophe, you’ve really fucked up now.

 

***

 

Yes?

Gregory!

Why’re you here? And why are you sweating?

You ran the entire way? Why the fuck would you do that?

Oh. 

No, that’s not what I meant at all!

I assumed you’d never want to see me again, so I said forever. I’d never do that, I’ve worked too hard in this life for that.

So, I assume you’re fine now? You’ll leave and never come back?

Well, no. I don’t want you to, but I won’t force you to stay or anything.

…

What just happened?

What do you mean you kissed me?

…

Oh.

I was stupid to assume.

Well, uh, would you like to come in?

Oh my God. Wait, shit. Just…wow.

Maybe I didn’t fuck up.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have been listening to the soundtrack from the South Park movie while writing this. Sorry if this is random, I haven't slept all night and I'm slowly loosing the ability to make coherent thought without music. Anyway, this one is super short, I just felt you should know if Stan's happy or not.

Well well well, look who’s back.

So? You did it?

Good. And?

Well, congratulations.

It’s none of your goddamn business!

No, I’m fine with saying that. It’s like I’m damning God, which is what I want.

Anyway.

I’ll tell you that it went well and leave it at that. 

No I don’t want the details! You made sweet love, or just sat and talked, I don’t fucking care!

Get out of here you piece of shit, go be with your boyfriend.

I know I’m going to be with mine.


End file.
